Satirical Corner

Republican strategists were kept busy over the weekend feverishly working to hatch a plan to reverse the outcome of the just-concluded 2020 US presidential elections. The Trump campaign team was summoned to a meeting at midday, Wednesday, November 4 after it became clear that the 45th President of the United States was going to be fired because he was caught sleeping on the job.

The President, at the meeting, expressed his grave displeasure at the fact that way into the evening of election day, when he was about to retire to bed, he was advised by the team that all the votes cast on election day, November 3, were counted and he was comfortably ahead in the battleground states. He said that never in his wildest dream did he believe he would wake up the next morning to the news that ‘sleepy’ Joe Biden would be breathing down his neck as a result of the counting of the mail-in ballots in states like Nevada, Georgia, Arizona, Michigan and particularly Pennsylvania, where he focussed much of his campaigning.

But a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said it turned out to be “bad strategy for the president to have spent so much time campaigning in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania”. 

“It made a mockery of history,” he said, “since the city of Philadelphia was where the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution were signed, and the ILO Declaration guaranteeing fundamental rights to labour and repudiating racial discrimination and injustice.”

The President, needless to say, was livid at the fact that he was about to be fired, and was not even comforted by the thought that it was not with immediate effect.  He was advised that the statutory period of notice would also apply to him, and he would remain in office up to January 20, 2021 when he would be expected to pack his bags and go. But the President was not about to bide(n) his time without a fight and advised his team to leave no stones unturned in an effort to have the decision of the electorate overturned.

His chief Republican strategist advised that the Supreme Court remains one of two options opened to the Republicans to have the decision rescinded because sleeping is scientifically proven to have a positive effect on the mental and physical health of the American people, and that sleep depravity could lead to the possibility of electoral fraud.

Asked what the second option was, the chief strategist said that the president “could sign an Executive Order, making it mandatory for Republicans not to sleep on “the Tuesday next after the first Monday in the month of November of any year that an election is due”. He said that the Executive Order should also include a clause which says where sleeping occurs, in circumstances where it can be proven that the absence of sleep could do harm to the health of the American people, and lead to massive voting fraud, the election should be declared null and void.

“Were you to sign the Executive Order retrospectively, Mr. President, it would provide further proof that potential voting fraud occurred,” the chief strategist concluded.

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